Taylor Tawny Day!

One of the things I actually like about my job is that every 3 months, we change the wine list...and that means that there is a wine tasting.



Why yes, I will come in and sample all of the wines off of the list.

Oh, we have a new port and champagne? Yes, I will come in tomorrow for a glass of each.

You want us to have a sample chocolate mousse with that port? Yes, I will sacrifice an hour of my life for dark chocolate mousse and port. No, I'm not mad that you're only paying me $10/hr to eat chocolate mousse and drink port; but next time, I want to make money more comparable to an hour of work on the floor.

At Least I'm Not Pregnant

So, this is the last week of my first month taking birth control (again).

And it sucks.

One of the benefits of having irregular periods is that they come along with less frequency and with a lighter flow. This month (close your eyes, gentlemen) I feel as though all of my internal organs are oozing out of my vagina.

Pretty, I know.

The best part is the emotional rollercoaster. I usually pride myself in not being one of those psycho women who lose it for a week out of every month, and that's probably because my estrogen spike only takes me to the "resting level" of the average female.

This month? Well, two nights ago I just started yelling and being horrible to Boyfriend over StupidFuckingCat (again), followed by *quite* the amorous make-up, followed by 24 hours of crying at the drop of a hat. Now, I feel as though I've gotten a dose of Lithium.

Wtf?

So, while I'm sitting here, munching away on my granola, I notice that my belt is now too big. See, the good thing about a belt is that you just pull it a little more snug, my problem is not the belt, but rather all of the rest of my clothes. My favorite skirt is no longer wearable. BOOOOO!!! I love that skirt! I purchased it during my senior year of high school, and it now slips off my hips in a completely embarrassing manner.

I think, for a normal girl, this skirt could be worn for at least another month or so, but unlike most girls, I have a very masculine set of hips- rather than poofing out with some attractive saddlebags that complete that hourglass figure, my hips go in much like man hips. Essentially, any article of clothing made for a female of my age is meant to hold on to the hips, and so I find myself in the predicament- do I wear clothing meant for the elderly, or do I constantly purchase new pants and skirts the minute I lose or gain a pound?

Up till now, the answer has been to purchase more clothing- my weight has steadily increased since junior high, but not so dramatically that I ever found myself in the closet saying "Well, I guess the only thing I can wear today is those ugly-ass khakis that my mom bought me five years ago to wear to church. Old lady pants, it is."

Ugh. Being poor sucks. I no longer have the option to purchase new clothing whenever I needed it. Moreover, I am reluctant to purchase anything since I think that my current weightloss is a trend (since, for my condition, the pill will encourage weightloss). Why purchase pants one size smaller when I'll just have to purchase more in three months? Fuck that, I'll wear a belt and cinch it up until the pants look retarded.

So that's a portrait of me this week. I'm slightly paled from my period, probably either laughing hysterically or crying, and I'm wearing old lady clothing. Sexy! No wonder Boyfriend and I are hitting the sack an average of once every 8.75 days.