I'm Not Dead...
...Just busy.
I have a million little thoughts I'd like to jot down- but neither the time nor the energy, so one quick note from tonight at work.
Tonight was the second time a customer called me incompetent.
It was pretty late into the evening. Restaurant closes at 10:00 on weekdays, and a couple walked through the door at 9:45. Late hits- I fucking loathe late hits. Anyone not considerate enough to come in at least a half hour before a restaurant closes is not going to be considerate enough to tip well, nor are they going to be considerate enough to behave. So, before I even go take a look to size them up while they settle in, I hear a buzz in the kitchen.
"Did you see table 500?"
"Yeah, they were in the bar!"
"Holy shit, who has them?"
The manager comes up to me and tells me that the couple is fucking gone. I'm not talking about a little tipsy, I'm talking about "vomit watch" drunk. He informs me that I'm not allowed to serve them any alcohol. See, Restaurant has had two strikes against their liquor license, and a third- like that couple, would lose the restaurant its license, and the profits would dry up in a snap. Essentially, this couple held in their grasp the future of the place, and serving them another well vodka on the rocks would probably doom the restaurant.
So, I go do my greet, and before I can mention the Mahi Mahi special, she's ordered a shitty vodka on the rocks.
"Ma'am, it's fairly late, and the bar may have closed. It may take a while to get the drink, can I get you some iced tea and bread while you wait?" I asked, trying to avoid saying "You're cut off, you drunk 'tard."
She started to slur something about me thinking she was drunk, and did she really look drunk, and how she was the general manager of a different restaurant, blah blah blah. And then...
"...YOU'RE INCOMPETENT!" She screamed as she stormed off, bringing her similarly situated husband behind her- probably off to another more seedy establishment to get her shitty vodka on the rocks.
Whatever, bitch. I'm not losing my job, losing this company's liquor license (and thereby the jobs of 15 other people) and paying a $1,000 fine because your stupid ass will more than likely get pulled over tonight.
Maja (who is pretty much the epitome of Stupid, Spoiled, Lazy Bitch-dom) was the bartender that night and called me excitedly into the bar so she could get the scoop. I retold the story, adding that had I not been concerned about potentially losing my job, I would have let the lady know that while I am but a lowly waitress, I spent the afternoon reading articles published on the subject of the Steady State Theory (physics) and she spent the afternoon drinking it up, only to get in her car and drive to another place to drink some more. If we wanted to talk about incompetent, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be the subject of the conversation.
I didn't realize this, but the three people left in the bar heard what I had said and erupted into applause. Apparently, the drunken couple was non-to-popular. A lady sitting in the bar slipped me a $5 bill and told me to put it toward further education.
Well, Andrey, the tightwad manager pulled me aside and asked me what happened with the table, and because he's an ass, I would normally have assumed that I was in trouble. However, Andrey was sporting a smirk, and I told him what happened. He did a creepy little giggle, and in a thick Ukrainian accent, told me that next time, agree to serve the alcohol, and let him tell the people "no."
He went on to mention that the drunken lady told him that I was an "incompetent bitch," and that she was the general manager of another restaurant, and that I should lose my job. Apparently, for the first time ever, a customer was told off, because he told her that if she was, in fact, the manager of a restaurant, she would understand the importance of abiding by the liquor laws, and that a server who decides to be responsible in the service of alcohol was not an incompetent bitch, and disrespecting the employees here is considered verbal assault- she was advised to leave the premises and told that if she did not, there would be police involved.
Holy Balls, Batman!
That being said, I'm sick...Again! My tonsils are swollen and bright red. Pretty!
So, in the spirit of lounging around, I decided to pull on a pair of pants that I haven't been able to wear since my sophomore year of high school, and Holy Weight-Loss, Batman! They fit!
Apparently, diet and exercise is NOT the way to go. All you need to do is eat like a picky 3 year old and work a job that keeps you running all day long. Sample diet:
Breakfast:
One glass of limeade (I squeeze 5 limes, add 1/3 c. sugar into a quart container and fill it with water. When it comes time to drink said limeade, I pour a glass 1/3 full of limeade, and 2/3 full of mineral water)
One peach
Two cherry tomatoes
One pickle.
That's right, a pickle.
Lunch:
Some kind of warm vegetable (Bhindi Masala, today!)
Pickle, maybe two.
Handful of cherry tomatoes
Glass of limeade
Glass of tomato juice with lime squeezed into it
Dinner:
Glass of soy milk
Sandwich (Ukrainian light rye bread, peanut butter spread thinly, bananas)
Handful of cherry tomatoes
Pickle.
No meal is complete without a pickle. And, after making any sandwich, there must be some part that gets pulled off and tossed aside. If possible, get halfway through a pickle before declaring it too salty and throw it out. And I guard those cherry tomatoes with my life. MMM.
Yup, that's it. Balance? No. Nutrition? What? Delicious? Yes.
And you, too, can have the ass the size it was when you were 15.
I have a million little thoughts I'd like to jot down- but neither the time nor the energy, so one quick note from tonight at work.
Tonight was the second time a customer called me incompetent.
It was pretty late into the evening. Restaurant closes at 10:00 on weekdays, and a couple walked through the door at 9:45. Late hits- I fucking loathe late hits. Anyone not considerate enough to come in at least a half hour before a restaurant closes is not going to be considerate enough to tip well, nor are they going to be considerate enough to behave. So, before I even go take a look to size them up while they settle in, I hear a buzz in the kitchen.
"Did you see table 500?"
"Yeah, they were in the bar!"
"Holy shit, who has them?"
The manager comes up to me and tells me that the couple is fucking gone. I'm not talking about a little tipsy, I'm talking about "vomit watch" drunk. He informs me that I'm not allowed to serve them any alcohol. See, Restaurant has had two strikes against their liquor license, and a third- like that couple, would lose the restaurant its license, and the profits would dry up in a snap. Essentially, this couple held in their grasp the future of the place, and serving them another well vodka on the rocks would probably doom the restaurant.
So, I go do my greet, and before I can mention the Mahi Mahi special, she's ordered a shitty vodka on the rocks.
"Ma'am, it's fairly late, and the bar may have closed. It may take a while to get the drink, can I get you some iced tea and bread while you wait?" I asked, trying to avoid saying "You're cut off, you drunk 'tard."
She started to slur something about me thinking she was drunk, and did she really look drunk, and how she was the general manager of a different restaurant, blah blah blah. And then...
"...YOU'RE INCOMPETENT!" She screamed as she stormed off, bringing her similarly situated husband behind her- probably off to another more seedy establishment to get her shitty vodka on the rocks.
Whatever, bitch. I'm not losing my job, losing this company's liquor license (and thereby the jobs of 15 other people) and paying a $1,000 fine because your stupid ass will more than likely get pulled over tonight.
Maja (who is pretty much the epitome of Stupid, Spoiled, Lazy Bitch-dom) was the bartender that night and called me excitedly into the bar so she could get the scoop. I retold the story, adding that had I not been concerned about potentially losing my job, I would have let the lady know that while I am but a lowly waitress, I spent the afternoon reading articles published on the subject of the Steady State Theory (physics) and she spent the afternoon drinking it up, only to get in her car and drive to another place to drink some more. If we wanted to talk about incompetent, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be the subject of the conversation.
I didn't realize this, but the three people left in the bar heard what I had said and erupted into applause. Apparently, the drunken couple was non-to-popular. A lady sitting in the bar slipped me a $5 bill and told me to put it toward further education.
Well, Andrey, the tightwad manager pulled me aside and asked me what happened with the table, and because he's an ass, I would normally have assumed that I was in trouble. However, Andrey was sporting a smirk, and I told him what happened. He did a creepy little giggle, and in a thick Ukrainian accent, told me that next time, agree to serve the alcohol, and let him tell the people "no."
He went on to mention that the drunken lady told him that I was an "incompetent bitch," and that she was the general manager of another restaurant, and that I should lose my job. Apparently, for the first time ever, a customer was told off, because he told her that if she was, in fact, the manager of a restaurant, she would understand the importance of abiding by the liquor laws, and that a server who decides to be responsible in the service of alcohol was not an incompetent bitch, and disrespecting the employees here is considered verbal assault- she was advised to leave the premises and told that if she did not, there would be police involved.
Holy Balls, Batman!
That being said, I'm sick...Again! My tonsils are swollen and bright red. Pretty!
So, in the spirit of lounging around, I decided to pull on a pair of pants that I haven't been able to wear since my sophomore year of high school, and Holy Weight-Loss, Batman! They fit!
Apparently, diet and exercise is NOT the way to go. All you need to do is eat like a picky 3 year old and work a job that keeps you running all day long. Sample diet:
Breakfast:
One glass of limeade (I squeeze 5 limes, add 1/3 c. sugar into a quart container and fill it with water. When it comes time to drink said limeade, I pour a glass 1/3 full of limeade, and 2/3 full of mineral water)
One peach
Two cherry tomatoes
One pickle.
That's right, a pickle.
Lunch:
Some kind of warm vegetable (Bhindi Masala, today!)
Pickle, maybe two.
Handful of cherry tomatoes
Glass of limeade
Glass of tomato juice with lime squeezed into it
Dinner:
Glass of soy milk
Sandwich (Ukrainian light rye bread, peanut butter spread thinly, bananas)
Handful of cherry tomatoes
Pickle.
No meal is complete without a pickle. And, after making any sandwich, there must be some part that gets pulled off and tossed aside. If possible, get halfway through a pickle before declaring it too salty and throw it out. And I guard those cherry tomatoes with my life. MMM.
Yup, that's it. Balance? No. Nutrition? What? Delicious? Yes.
And you, too, can have the ass the size it was when you were 15.
posted by iconoclastical at 10:52 AM
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