Because You Are Not A Woman
I try not to be a knee-jerk woman. That is, I try my hardest to see everything not just from the eyes of a being with a vagina, but as a person of no gender (or race, creed, color, orientation, etc)
But sometimes, I have to stop a knee-jerk man by explaining how the brain of a knee-jerk woman functions.
Today, the conversation with Boyfriend started out with me explaining that I was going to the gynecologist. I decided to inform him that I planned on going back to using the birth control pill because the last time I made a decision about my reproductive health without him, he had a shit-fit. Mind you, that was about a month after our first date, and I didn't think it was any of his business, and that I had to do something about my vagina, that was between me and the doctor.
Either way, there was still a shit-fit. So, this time around, since we now live together (and share a bed that goes frequently unused- which makes me think that my vagina is still none of his business), I figured that I should at least tell him what my plans are for my vagina.
I'm planning on putting it back on birth control. That being said, I noted that my gynecologist does not require an internal exam to prescribe the birth control pill. I further explained that in order for me to get birth control as a 16 year old (for the regulation of my cycles) I did not have to have an exam, either. But, after I turned 18, I was required to have the internal exams.
Really, I was just musing...I didn't mean to make any real point- I was just thinking that any time a woman is over the age of 18, she would automatically require an internal exam to get any kind of medication- birth control or otherwise.
I think he took what I was saying completely backwards, and somehow turned it into how all women regard all men as filthy dirty creatures that should never under any circumstances come in contact with a vagina not belonging to that man's wife. And that took him to some crazy mental frenzy where I was suddenly put on defense for being female- as apparently, all females prejudge men in an unfair manner and assume all men are dirty nasty pigs that ought not to be dealt with in any manner.
I found myself having to explain to him that life is different as a woman. I had to explain that even while I am not the hot blonde in the restaurant or bar, while working as a waitress, some business man slapped my ass EVERY night.
I had to explain that for every nice guy out there, there is at least one jackass, and the jackasses are the ones that make their presence known.
I had to explain that even as a not-attractive girl in a city full of naked hot girls (New Orleans) I could not walk alone in the city- and I certainly wouldn't walk with just a group of females at night.
Now, part of me wants to say "I shouldn't have to be afraid and take an escort if I want to get some fucking groceries at 8 pm." But the other part says "Don't be so sensationalist...just be sensible."
Anyway, he argued that it just isn't fair that women assume he's creepy because he's shy.
"Boyfriend, you make unfair judgments all the time. You had a bad experience with a crazy-ass bitch in your past dating life, and after her, I'm sure you made judgments about other women based on Crazy Bitch's behavior. If some new woman exhibited the behavior you saw in Crazy Bitch, you would avoid her."
He gave an affirmative grunt.
"Now, let's say that rather than wasting a year of your dating life, that woman had caused you physical harm. Let's say she humiliated you and committed an act of violence against you."
He gave an grunt of acknowledgement.
"Now, I would have to argue that you are actually retarded (read: IQ below 70) if you don't make judgments about other women in order to protect yourself. Sometimes, the judgments will be wrong, but hey- you won't have to be a victim again."
He launched into the "you've never been raped" argument. My first thought was "that you know of" as I'm pretty secretive, and had I been raped, I doubt I would tell him about it. I haven't, mind you.
"I've had friends who have been brutally raped. I can learn from their mistakes, too."
"Well, it's not all about rape- men can be mugged, too."
"Boyfriend, you are an imposing figure- just like most men. You're 6'2", I'm 5'4" and obviously weak. If there is a guy prowling the streets looking for someone to mug, he's not going to pick the big strong dude- he's going after the little woman."
"True."
I think he understands a little bit, or at least figured out that I'm not going to let the fight die without taking him down.
I'm generally of the opinion that men and women should be able to interact without fear of each other, but realistically I know that is completely impossible.
I don't like to say "you'll never understand" but I truly believe that men will very rarely understand exactly what women worry about when it comes to men.
But sometimes, I have to stop a knee-jerk man by explaining how the brain of a knee-jerk woman functions.
Today, the conversation with Boyfriend started out with me explaining that I was going to the gynecologist. I decided to inform him that I planned on going back to using the birth control pill because the last time I made a decision about my reproductive health without him, he had a shit-fit. Mind you, that was about a month after our first date, and I didn't think it was any of his business, and that I had to do something about my vagina, that was between me and the doctor.
Either way, there was still a shit-fit. So, this time around, since we now live together (and share a bed that goes frequently unused- which makes me think that my vagina is still none of his business), I figured that I should at least tell him what my plans are for my vagina.
I'm planning on putting it back on birth control. That being said, I noted that my gynecologist does not require an internal exam to prescribe the birth control pill. I further explained that in order for me to get birth control as a 16 year old (for the regulation of my cycles) I did not have to have an exam, either. But, after I turned 18, I was required to have the internal exams.
Really, I was just musing...I didn't mean to make any real point- I was just thinking that any time a woman is over the age of 18, she would automatically require an internal exam to get any kind of medication- birth control or otherwise.
I think he took what I was saying completely backwards, and somehow turned it into how all women regard all men as filthy dirty creatures that should never under any circumstances come in contact with a vagina not belonging to that man's wife. And that took him to some crazy mental frenzy where I was suddenly put on defense for being female- as apparently, all females prejudge men in an unfair manner and assume all men are dirty nasty pigs that ought not to be dealt with in any manner.
I found myself having to explain to him that life is different as a woman. I had to explain that even while I am not the hot blonde in the restaurant or bar, while working as a waitress, some business man slapped my ass EVERY night.
I had to explain that for every nice guy out there, there is at least one jackass, and the jackasses are the ones that make their presence known.
I had to explain that even as a not-attractive girl in a city full of naked hot girls (New Orleans) I could not walk alone in the city- and I certainly wouldn't walk with just a group of females at night.
Now, part of me wants to say "I shouldn't have to be afraid and take an escort if I want to get some fucking groceries at 8 pm." But the other part says "Don't be so sensationalist...just be sensible."
Anyway, he argued that it just isn't fair that women assume he's creepy because he's shy.
"Boyfriend, you make unfair judgments all the time. You had a bad experience with a crazy-ass bitch in your past dating life, and after her, I'm sure you made judgments about other women based on Crazy Bitch's behavior. If some new woman exhibited the behavior you saw in Crazy Bitch, you would avoid her."
He gave an affirmative grunt.
"Now, let's say that rather than wasting a year of your dating life, that woman had caused you physical harm. Let's say she humiliated you and committed an act of violence against you."
He gave an grunt of acknowledgement.
"Now, I would have to argue that you are actually retarded (read: IQ below 70) if you don't make judgments about other women in order to protect yourself. Sometimes, the judgments will be wrong, but hey- you won't have to be a victim again."
He launched into the "you've never been raped" argument. My first thought was "that you know of" as I'm pretty secretive, and had I been raped, I doubt I would tell him about it. I haven't, mind you.
"I've had friends who have been brutally raped. I can learn from their mistakes, too."
"Well, it's not all about rape- men can be mugged, too."
"Boyfriend, you are an imposing figure- just like most men. You're 6'2", I'm 5'4" and obviously weak. If there is a guy prowling the streets looking for someone to mug, he's not going to pick the big strong dude- he's going after the little woman."
"True."
I think he understands a little bit, or at least figured out that I'm not going to let the fight die without taking him down.
I'm generally of the opinion that men and women should be able to interact without fear of each other, but realistically I know that is completely impossible.
I don't like to say "you'll never understand" but I truly believe that men will very rarely understand exactly what women worry about when it comes to men.
posted by iconoclastical at 11:00 PM
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