willyoumoveinwithme?
Just got back from another night with Boyfriend. It was another 24 hours of "whydon'tyoumoveintwithme?whydon'tyoumoveintwithme?whydon'tyoumoveintwithme?whydon'tyoumoveintwithme?"
frankly, the thought of living with another boyfriend is...well...not my cup of tea. see, by moving in together, you essentially sign on to either have a really really messy breakup that can only occur after having the funds to move out (which i won't for a long time- and therefore might be trapped in a relationship that I dislike) OR i plan on heading toward marriage (which i don't think is right for us...at least for right now)
either way, as i was attempting to drift off to sleep last night, it dawned on me that the differences between Boyfriend and I were all quite well illustrated by his couch(es).
1. he is too quick to spend a lot of money. i usually need plenty of time to think about it, but one day, he just kind of looked at me and said "i would like a new couch." and the next day, were were couch shopping. he just wrote a check for a $2,000 couch. you know, just because he wanted a new one. i would have sat on the old sofa until it fell apart.
2. he is irritatingly picky when making purchases. we spent (and i'm not kidding) 4 hours looking through fabric swatches to figure out what would be best for his aesthetics and his apartment. wanna know the best part? there were only 3 swatches. i managed to pick out the swatch that eventually won in a matter of 10 minutes- not ten minutes of comparison to the other two swatches, but 10 minutes after entering the fabric gallery. i chose the couch that eventually won after two trial sits on each of the qualifing pieces of furniture...it took him three days of walking in and sitting on each couch that met size and shape qualifications. it mostly just started to annoy me how picky he was about really stupid details.
3. he includes me on these very important long-term purchases. if i were buying a couch, he would not go. it would be my couch for my apartment...and he would see my purchase when i had finished making the decision. BUT, we went looking for the couch together, and it was very much referenced as our couch- where it very much is his couch...but that's really just another example of how he believes that everything that is currently his will soon be ours. i still very much feel that what is mine is mine...and that won't be changing any time soon. in fact, if what is mine becomes what is ours, he might be the second half of "us."
4. he is insanely picky about what he purchases, and then treats his possessions with a much different attitude. he has a cat- a cat with all of its claws, and frankly, it ripped his previous sofa to shreds. if i had this cat, it would either have to live without its claws, or live without me. i'm not going to pay $2,000 for a new sofa that the cat will use as a scratching post, no sir. moreover, i would not let that little beast on the sofa, but, rather than enjoying his new purchase, he has it draped with an ugly blanket to protect it from cat hair. to me, it makes more sense to say "no cats on the furniture" than to say "i will sit on this ugly scratchy blanket because it makes the cat happy." fuck that cat- give it to someone who loves little beasts and get a fucking fish.
5. i sleep on the couch. Boyfriend sleeps in a twin bed- and that in and of itself really bothers me. i think all grown men who have left their dorm rooms should own at least a double bed. you're not a child anymore, stop sleeping in a child's bed. BUT, when i first started sleeping over at his apartment, i slept on the couch while he took the bed. it seems a little bitchy to even mention this, but it bothered me that he never even offered his bed. not that i would have taken his offer- but this points to the greater issue that i've noticed- that is that he is very much used to being alone...his behavior points to never having had to consider the needs or wants.
i'm also really pissed that we spent time looking at model apartments...mostly because for a while (during the model apartment time) i really wanted to move in with him...after that, i came to my senses and realized that this was not a good plan...
gah. so much pressure.
frankly, the thought of living with another boyfriend is...well...not my cup of tea. see, by moving in together, you essentially sign on to either have a really really messy breakup that can only occur after having the funds to move out (which i won't for a long time- and therefore might be trapped in a relationship that I dislike) OR i plan on heading toward marriage (which i don't think is right for us...at least for right now)
either way, as i was attempting to drift off to sleep last night, it dawned on me that the differences between Boyfriend and I were all quite well illustrated by his couch(es).
1. he is too quick to spend a lot of money. i usually need plenty of time to think about it, but one day, he just kind of looked at me and said "i would like a new couch." and the next day, were were couch shopping. he just wrote a check for a $2,000 couch. you know, just because he wanted a new one. i would have sat on the old sofa until it fell apart.
2. he is irritatingly picky when making purchases. we spent (and i'm not kidding) 4 hours looking through fabric swatches to figure out what would be best for his aesthetics and his apartment. wanna know the best part? there were only 3 swatches. i managed to pick out the swatch that eventually won in a matter of 10 minutes- not ten minutes of comparison to the other two swatches, but 10 minutes after entering the fabric gallery. i chose the couch that eventually won after two trial sits on each of the qualifing pieces of furniture...it took him three days of walking in and sitting on each couch that met size and shape qualifications. it mostly just started to annoy me how picky he was about really stupid details.
3. he includes me on these very important long-term purchases. if i were buying a couch, he would not go. it would be my couch for my apartment...and he would see my purchase when i had finished making the decision. BUT, we went looking for the couch together, and it was very much referenced as our couch- where it very much is his couch...but that's really just another example of how he believes that everything that is currently his will soon be ours. i still very much feel that what is mine is mine...and that won't be changing any time soon. in fact, if what is mine becomes what is ours, he might be the second half of "us."
4. he is insanely picky about what he purchases, and then treats his possessions with a much different attitude. he has a cat- a cat with all of its claws, and frankly, it ripped his previous sofa to shreds. if i had this cat, it would either have to live without its claws, or live without me. i'm not going to pay $2,000 for a new sofa that the cat will use as a scratching post, no sir. moreover, i would not let that little beast on the sofa, but, rather than enjoying his new purchase, he has it draped with an ugly blanket to protect it from cat hair. to me, it makes more sense to say "no cats on the furniture" than to say "i will sit on this ugly scratchy blanket because it makes the cat happy." fuck that cat- give it to someone who loves little beasts and get a fucking fish.
5. i sleep on the couch. Boyfriend sleeps in a twin bed- and that in and of itself really bothers me. i think all grown men who have left their dorm rooms should own at least a double bed. you're not a child anymore, stop sleeping in a child's bed. BUT, when i first started sleeping over at his apartment, i slept on the couch while he took the bed. it seems a little bitchy to even mention this, but it bothered me that he never even offered his bed. not that i would have taken his offer- but this points to the greater issue that i've noticed- that is that he is very much used to being alone...his behavior points to never having had to consider the needs or wants.
i'm also really pissed that we spent time looking at model apartments...mostly because for a while (during the model apartment time) i really wanted to move in with him...after that, i came to my senses and realized that this was not a good plan...
gah. so much pressure.
posted by iconoclastical at 2:50 PM
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