tread softly on new ground
i'm feeling VERY not myself in a very detrimental way.
after the wedding (steven and whatsherface) there was a lot of discussion about children. it came to our attention that none of mark's buddies (save one old college friend) had kids- despite a desire to have them.
this brought on a discussion on the drive back to his place about procreation and whatnot. thankfully, he fully understands that 1. talking very openly about definite committment and children is the best way to scare me off, so he was exceedingly vague. 2. that i am in no position to have children. if one day the stars align and i do conceive, i can only expect to have a very quick miscarriage. and 3. that i neither want to be an old mom (i would rather experience my children in my younger years) nor do i want to deal with babies, so i would (if i have children) look to adopt an older child before i turn 30. and really, that's only after i have had my fill of life and experiences that have to occur sans babies. not to mention that i would never bring a child into a situation that would ever involve an eventual divorce, so i would have to be super assured in the relationship.
all of those things were pushed aside, and he prodded me with very uncomfortable questions about kids.
this was after the discussion on my stance on a woman changing her name in marriage. blech.
it seems that my relationships have timers: 3 or four months of fun and happiness before it becomes glaringly obvious that my significant other is far more into me than i am into him/her. and then i freak out and end the relationship. every time. the strange thing is: i've recently felt myself being wildly jealous of pregnant women; and i'm not ready to end this relationship, despite the fact that he does not make for good bedfellows and that i'm treading into enemy territory.
i'm a basket case: don't date me.
after the wedding (steven and whatsherface) there was a lot of discussion about children. it came to our attention that none of mark's buddies (save one old college friend) had kids- despite a desire to have them.
this brought on a discussion on the drive back to his place about procreation and whatnot. thankfully, he fully understands that 1. talking very openly about definite committment and children is the best way to scare me off, so he was exceedingly vague. 2. that i am in no position to have children. if one day the stars align and i do conceive, i can only expect to have a very quick miscarriage. and 3. that i neither want to be an old mom (i would rather experience my children in my younger years) nor do i want to deal with babies, so i would (if i have children) look to adopt an older child before i turn 30. and really, that's only after i have had my fill of life and experiences that have to occur sans babies. not to mention that i would never bring a child into a situation that would ever involve an eventual divorce, so i would have to be super assured in the relationship.
all of those things were pushed aside, and he prodded me with very uncomfortable questions about kids.
this was after the discussion on my stance on a woman changing her name in marriage. blech.
it seems that my relationships have timers: 3 or four months of fun and happiness before it becomes glaringly obvious that my significant other is far more into me than i am into him/her. and then i freak out and end the relationship. every time. the strange thing is: i've recently felt myself being wildly jealous of pregnant women; and i'm not ready to end this relationship, despite the fact that he does not make for good bedfellows and that i'm treading into enemy territory.
i'm a basket case: don't date me.
posted by iconoclastical at 10:36 PM
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